How to Make the Most of Myspace: Beyond the Minute

In today’s marketplace, you can’t afford to leave any stone unturned when it comes to promoting yourself and networking on social media. Myspace, the king of social media, is still (and will always be) the best way to gain recognition, interact with a dedicated community of followers, and show the world your intrinsic cool.

Why Myspace Over Other Social Sites?

Myspace dominated social networking for the early 2000s, with nearly 76 million unique visitors every single month. The numbers these days are probably similar. Here are some of the best ways you can use Myspace’s vast network to its fullest potential:

Finding and Ranking Friends

Having the most friends is obviously important. It doesn’t matter if you know them or not, just start clicking on as many profiles as you can and asking them to be your friend.

Here are more tips on interacting with your friends on Myspace:

• Find friends that go to other schools, it’ll make you way more popular.
• Be active daily. Quality time online with friends is the only way to make more friends.
• Comment on your friends’ pages; inside jokes and fUn +yp3 l!k3 tHi$ add meaning.
• You’d better have your “Top 8 Friends” picked out — after all, the best way to make and bond with friends is by publicly ranking them.

As far as building a friend network and maximizing on-page interactions, it just works best if you’re … popular. So, get more people to like you. We’ve found that the more people like you, the more popular you get.

Posting Photos

The best Myspace photos will be shot in poor lighting with a first-generation digital camera, which means it’s time to head to your parent’s house and search for your old one in the basement.

• When taking pictures, try using direct flash, dim lighting and covering some (read: most) of your face with your hair.
• You better have a picture of yourself in a mirror with the flash going off. Keep it real by not cleaning the mirror first.
• For maximum popularity, you can customize photos with cool typeface in MS Paint!
• Most important, your profile pic should align with your personal brand. Peace signs and duck lips are da bomb.

Our research shows that when users utilize two or three of these key photographic components, their profile shows up higher in Ask Jeeves, Yahoo and probably Google (a search startup based in Palo Alto).

Customizing Your Page

In a perfect online world, everyone could learn all they want to about you from your Myspace profile.

There are an endless number of customization options available to showcase your ~*creativity*~ …

• Get jiggy with that orange and blue color scheme that Tom uses. Tom has, like, a million friends.
• Find out what keywords your friends are searching for, so they find your profile faster.
• Find a word that describes you like “Diva” and pump your page up with cool word art.

Take a note from Kim Kardashian’s Myspace page. It’s pink and girly, fitting her personality and emphasizing her overall brand. Kim’s Myspace page is what really made her famous.

Choosing a Playlist

Picking the perfect song for your Myspace page is more important than deciding your yearbook quote. Here’s how to choose a unique and slightly emotional song to emphasize your angst:

• Choose an emo song that’s new, but not too new.
• Make sure it’s mainstream enough that people know it, but not so mainstream they’ll think you’re a lemming.
• This song had better be on auto-play. People need to KNOW what you’re feeling. They need to feel it, too.
• Something Corporate, 3OH!3 and Dashboard Confessional are good bands to start with if you need direction. For hip-hop, Eminem, 50 Cent and Lil Wayne are ruling the charts, probably.

Armed with this information, you’re ready to let your new and improved Myspace page take you to the next level of the game. People will be messaging you with opportunities like whoa, and you will have to tell people, Take a chill pill!

This blog post, published April 1, 2019, is an April Fools’ Day joke.